After Allie and Michael were born I was pretty sure our family was complete...I had a really difficult time adjusting to life with two kids and felt that a family of four was what we were meant to be...in 2012 though we decided to add to our family and found out we were pregnant again. Chris and I were so excited!
At 8 weeks we headed in to our first OB appointment and an ultrasound told us we were expecting twins!! Shock and excitement rushed through us with this news as the ultrasound tech went to get the doctor. The doctor came in to the room and the ultrasound continued...Chris and I could tell something was not right. We were told our babies were Monoamniotic-Monochorionic twins (or Mo-Mo twins) It means that they share the same amniotic sac and placenta. It is a very high risk pregnancy. Another major concern was that our babies were positioned so closely they could not tell if they were conjoined. Since I was so early in my pregnancy it was difficult to tell...they wanted us to come back in a week for another ultrasound so that we could have a more accurate picture of what we were looking at. Our doctor told us that I would be admitted to the antepartum unit at the hospital at 28 weeks for monitoring and that the babies would be delivered no later than 34 weeks. It was A LOT to take in...
We left that appointment feeling sick to our stomachs and the following days were a bit of a blur. We prayed for our babies, we prayed for a miracle, we prayed for peace. We were both a wreck.
At our next appointment our amazing doctor quietly knelt down beside the table after the ultrasound tech began the scans and told us that our babies no longer had heartbeats. We were devastated.
We will never know the genders of those babies we lost, but our doctor did tell us that over 90% of "MoMo" twins are girls...so that is how I have always thought of them...our two precious girls who are sitting on the lap of Jesus in heaven.
After we lost our babies I thought that maybe our family was in fact meant to be a family of four, and that this was God's way of telling me to just appreciate the babies we already had. But the longing for more children never went away and so we tried again. And we had our Mary...and 19 months later Emily.
Mary and Emily look A LOT alike...we often call Emily "Mary" by mistake and have since the day she was born. These two girls are such a blessing to our family and such a gift in so many ways...it almost feels to me like we got our girls back in some way...I think of the babies we lost every day...even though it was still so early in the pregnancy, they were a part of our family..a part of our story. They were loved from the moment we knew of their existence.
I don't share the story of our miscarriage with many people...I don't talk about it often at all, but something happened this morning that made me want to share...something Mary and Emily did all on their own. They share a bedroom and recently have been getting dressed as soon as they wake up (selecting their own outfits). This morning they came running out of their bedroom so excited...they were dressed identical. And they told me it was "Twin's Day". It took all my strength not to burst into tears. These sweet girls.
I wanted to share our story today because I know we are not alone. Sadly so many of our family and friends have experienced miscarriage and still birth. ALL of these babies are so loved, and always remembered.
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