One year.

So..hi! I've been meaning to write this post since we came back from our summer vacation in Michigan...oops! No real excuse as to why it's taken me so long...I plan to write it and then the day gets away from me...so I tell myself I'll write it tomorrow...well, today is finally that "tomorrow". Please bear with me in this post, it's bringing up a lot of emotions so if it jumps around a bit please forgive me!

It's now been one year (and one month!) since our big move...at times I can hardly recall those first few stressful weeks and months of getting settled...but they were just that...they were stressful. We had no idea where anything was or how to do anything for ourselves either...the way we were used to doing things in the US are done very differently here because (DUH!) this is a different country!! None of us spoke German and doing simple things like setting up cable, having lights installed in our home and getting me a cell phone were a huge challenge and we had to ask for help for everything. And have a lot of patience. And a sense of humor. 

Coming back after 5 weeks in Michigan was hard...it was really, really hard. The kids were so sad...Allie cried the whole way to the airport and Michael didn't talk or crack a smile until we got through security. Mary wanted to stay in Michigan with my parents. Thankfully Emily is still pretty blissfully unaware of any and all major life changes because my heart was breaking for all of them. And hello, I was pretty sad myself!! We all wanted to stay and I think Chris was even a little nervous that I wouldn't get on the flight (he had flown back a few weeks earlier) Being "home" felt so comfortable...being around family and friends was truly the best. 

So, now we're back in Germany. 

You're probably thinking to yourself right now how much I hate it here, right? 

Well, I don't. 

Do I love it? Sometimes...it's an amazing place for our kids to grow up. They have freedom here that they wouldn't have in Michigan. And that is worth its weight in gold. 

Confused? Yeah, me too...As much as I loved being home and at times cannot wait for our return in 2 years I am so appreciative of this time we get to spend abroad together. I am often questioning our decision to move here...to push ourselves and our kids and our family. Is it worth it? Is it a good idea?  We all just want to do what is best for our children...that is universal. A friend from high school just started this journey abroad with her family moving from the US to Germany. Her kids are around the same age as ours and I've loved and appreciated what she has shared about this experience...she wrote something about her daughters first day of school that has stayed with me...they have decided to send their kids to a local German school as well and she wrote,"I know I'm doing the right thing. Pushing my child just enough. Having her outside her comfort zone...just long enough to make her a little stronger and smarter". Thank you for that, Katrina...your words went straight to this mama's soul. 

I noticed a lot of characteristics in myself this summer when we were home that I really don't like...a lot I need to personally continue to work on. We live a very simple life here, and it is a good, good life. While it annoys the heck outta me sometimes that we have nowhere decent to shop for clothes, no Starbucks, nothing is open on a Sunday and I wish I could just run to Target...these are all such silly stupid things! I mean seriously, I'm embarrassed to admit them!

I hate being away from our families...that has been the hardest part of this past year...I love living close to our families. I carry a lot of guilt being here and not living close to family. I want them to be a part of our everyday lives and I love being around to help. It's not like anyone's world is crumbling because we're not around, so it's totally selfish on my part...but we miss everyone so much! 

It actually amazed me at how quickly we all jumped right back into our routine once we got back...the kids happily were playing outside with our neighbors and everyone felt settled and happy to be back in the own beds. It struck me how this place has become our home. And the overwhelming feeling of "home" that I felt being here.

We have made this place our home...and while I still don't speak much German and need help with a lot of things I'm so thankful for the amazing friends we have met here who are always willing to offer that help. Last night that "help" I needed came with a cocktail and great conversation with a sweet friend over some school paperwork I didn't understand. 

I've always been the "I'm fine" girl...the one who can do it herself and doesn't need any help and this experience has humbled me and brought me to my knees at times because oh my goodness do I need help with a lot!! And I consider that a positive. 

I'm looking forward to this year #2 in Germany....I hope we can travel and explore a bit more as a family and that my German can catch up to Allie and Michael's! haha!! I'm thankful to be here, I truly am...and because I know how temporary this experience is, I want to appreciate all it has to offer.